(mis)Communication

Thoughts of an 18 years old girl on her bed before she fell asleep:

How could she think I spasm because I am a druggie rather than having a nightmare?

How could she think I am no longer virgin because all of my friends are not?

How could she think I steal or sell something because I can go out everyday without money given?

How could she think I will be just okay because I only have the fever, not the cancer or nervous system disorder?

How could she think I can do all things because I seem able to do it?

How could she think and treat me none like a mother, real mother, biological mother?

I think I don't understand this.

Thoughts of a 47 years old single mother on the same bed before she fell asleep:

Why couldn't my daughter just simply spasm because of having a nightmare rather than being a druggie?

Why couldn't my daughter be able to stay virgin even though all of her friends are not?

Why couldn't my daughter ask me for money instead of stealing or selling stuffs?

Why couldn't my daughter take care of herself? It's only fever for God's sake!

Why couldn't my daughter do all the things she can surely do?

Why couldn't my daughter act like good girl that I can take pride in?

I think I don't understand this.

The mother and the daughter were sleeping on the same bed, back on to each other.

The daughter was crying quietly because she didn't want her mother to hear it.

She didn't let her mother to understand her.

The mother's heart was broken into pieces but she didn't say any to her daughter.

She didn't let her daughter to understand her, either.

They didn't trust each other.

They didn't feel the love between anymore.

They just need a time, a really good timing, to talk. Talk. Talk.

They lacked of communications since years ago.

They couldn't even recall it, when it started, when they didn't talk each other anymore.

Dear God, they just need the time. You will grant them one, won't You?

Self Denial

yes..

she got up from the bench, left the park that overwhelmed by the falling leaves.

she headed to the corner of the street, picked the coffee shop she used to go there whenever she needed to get relax both from her problems and solved ones.

"one hot caram.., nah, one pure vanilla, please" she smiled.

she pulled the wooden chair, took a seat, and pondered throgh the big glass window.

"excuse me, miss, your pure vanilla" distract the coffee boy.

"thank you. errr, can i borrow your pen, please?" she said.

the young part-timer boy lent his pen and left.

there she goes, a pen and a pocket-found scrap paper, also sips of vanilla.

she started to write..

----------------

i am getting better day by day,

i am able to live my life happily without you,

i do not mind if you are staying away from me,

making such a distance between us,

despite we already have them handled,

yes, i am stronger for my self.

i am happy to see you happy,

although we have different definition and perception of it,

yes we are different but we are connected each other,

that is what i am feeling and trying to prove, this far.

i am crying no more tears for this,

not because i do not care about you anymore,

but i am trying to take care of my self and my love, perhaps.

i will not bother you with my snivel no more,

and i will not run into you like a 5,

because i do not know how to do this or that.

yes, i will be tough than ever, i promise.

i do not mind if we will not be having any conversations anymore,

because we both know, there are nothing really important to say, maybe.

because we both know, i have said what i need to say, and so have you, perhaps.

yes, i do not blame anyone or anything for what has happened.

today, you see me okay.

today, you see me laugh out loud.

today, you see me with no tears.

today, you see me doing my work appropriately.

today, you see me are trying to get my life goes well.

today, you look at me and smile as you can see my life is greater than before.

---------------

she pondered again, through the big glass window, watching the sky of late afternoon.

ahhh..

no, no, please, she begged.

yes, she begged to herself.

"please, oh please, i don't want to feel my heart crumbles again."

her inevitable tears started to fill her eyes,

she took a deep breath so the tears will not be coming down to her pale cheek.

but, it did not work, tears started to drop on her face.

she couldn't cheat herself, she couldn't convince herself,

that she was what she has written.

no, she couldn't.

because she was not really telling what she really wanted to say,

what she really had changed,

what she really had faith into.

she was denying,

she was refuting,

she was disavowing,

she was lying to her self.

alone, she broke down and cried.

Strong Words

Sometime, I feel both flattered and happy when I find out what I have said is apparently important for themselves, both she or he. Although, all of you can see that the words are not like written by the great philosopher or said by the famous person. I believe everybody can make her/his own strong words because it is only alignment of words come at the right time and match with the right person.

As an example I want to share a short story about simply strong words like written below.

I talked on msn with a friend, three months ago, K, who apparently appeared as the same person as one who are talked about on previous post: uncomfortable prejudice.

Here are part of the conversation we had:

K says:

hahahaha

K says:

yeah, exactly

K says:

i really want to be strong just like you

K says:

i salute you!

I say:

haha if you want to be strong,

I say:

you have to be selfish

I say:

i cried almost everyday for the past week

I say:

think this and that

I say:

day by day i realize, we have to be tough

I say:

we are grown up already, think like one then.

K says:

hmmm that's right

K says:

awwwwwwwww, thank you very muchhhh

I say:

haha of course

K says:

I feel so much better after reading it

I say:

hahaha, i didn't realize i could say some stuff, i think my craving-for-food-stomach did it..

I say:

or, God simply sent me to say what He needs to say

I say:

blahhhh hahahahaha

K says:

hahahahaaha

See? Was not that simple?

Go make your own strong words and share to some needed friends... =)